Have you ever wondered how some parents just seem to get their children to behave all the time? How they keep their cool in times of stressful situations? How they manage to have a seemingly peaceful and loving family life? Well… we can tell you it’s not magic. It’s unlikely to be caused by luck either. Nope. Parents like this possess powerful parenting skills and characteristics that help them raise healthy, happy, and successful children.
Parents with powerful parenting skills do these three things:
1. Ask Helpful Questions
The most important goal we have as a parent is to help our children develop into confident, self-disciplined individuals.
When parents yell, blame, and accuse, children focus on the anger, and do not learn from the experience. Guide your children to see each interaction as a learning experience by asking helpful questions. Instead of asking accusing questions like “Why don’t you just listen?”, ask “How can we solve this?”
You can ask helpful questions to children of any age. At their youngest, they may not respond, but they are watching you and internalizing your words and actions. After you ask the question, quietly listen to the response. You might be surprised to see your child solving his or her own problems!
2. State Just The Facts
When communicating with your child, just simply state the facts. Parents often clutter their communication with unnecessary (and sometimes hurtful) phrases. Make an effort to state only the facts.
So instead of “How many times do I have to tell you to put the toys away,” try staying “Please put your toys away.”
Even if you receive some push back because they still want to play, you’ve communicated exactly what you want to see happen.
3. Follow Through
Sometimes unwanted behaviors happen because parents don’t follow through, or they pick the wrong battles. One thing is for sure is that all responses will cause repeated behaviors. So it’s important to think about which behaviors are worth a response. Parents who make a request and then back off when the child becomes difficult, is still sending a very clear message about acceptable behaviors.
If you ask your child to pick up their toys, and they continue to play follow through by getting down on their level and repeating your request. Don’t back down, and do it for them as they continue to play. You can, however, ask them if they need help and assist them in cleaning up. Usually, when adults offer to help children, they jump at the chance!
Check out how we approach creating a positive environment that helps to create healthy, happy, and successful children here.
