Have you ever asked your child to do something, only for your request to float in the air as if never said? Communicating with your child and getting them to listen when asked will take some consistency, but it can be done.
Here are some statements parents often say:
“I wish you’d get dressed”
“I think you should clean up your room”
“It would be nice if you finished your snack first”
“What’s wrong with these statements?” you ask? To you it may sound like you are approaching your child in the most appropriate way to get them to do what it is you need done. But these statements are fuzzy, and may leave your child unsure how to respond. Your child will interpret the statement at face value, and this can lead to battles since it doesn’t exactly say what you want done.
But don’t worry… its a simple fix as long as you are consistent: you just have to say what you mean and mean what you say! Here are 4 simple ways to get your child to listen:
Say Please and Thank You
If you’ve been following us for some time, you know that we value modeled behaviour. Saying simple things like ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ when talking to others, no matter how small, shows respect.
But when dealing with children, it also has an added benefit of softening your request when followed with a specific call to action. Adding a ‘thank you’ in closing your statement reaffirms your expectation that your request will be followed. For instance, “Please put the blocks in the red bin. Thank you.”
This short phrase tells your child exactly what to do, and that you expect it done.
Be Specific!
Have you ever told your child to put the toys away, and they through everything in one bin and shove it in the cover? Or how about telling an older child to, “Clean your room” and they hear “Shove everything in the closet so I can’t see it”?
In essence, they are doing what they were told. So to prevent miscommunications like these, be very clear and specific about what you want done. A much more specific statement is “Please put the toys in the toy box and the books on the shelf. Thank you.”
“Repeat After Me”
If your child is talking, when you make a specific request have your child repeat what needs to be done. Repeating statements helps to commit things to memory.
For example, if your child is in another room playing, go to them and get on their level while looking them in the eye, and say “It’s time for snack. Please put the toys in the toy box and the books on the shelf. Can you tell me what you need to do?” When your child responds, “I need to put the toys in the toy box, and the books on the shelf.” Your response should be “Thank you!”
Depending on your child’s verbal skills, their response may not be exactly how you stated it. But that’s okay! The point is that they can repeat the essence of what you need done.
By asking your child to repeat your request, they have given themselves clear instructions and are more likely to follow through.
Think Before You Ask
Many times we see things that need to be done, make a half-hearted request, and when our child doesn’t respond we just drop it. More often than not, this happens with the little issues. First we ask, then mid-way through the engagement we realize it’s just not worth the battle, and end up dropping it.
But asking and dropping little issues can get your child in the habit of simply ignoring your requests: big and little.
So before you ask, think. Decide if its worth the battle if your child resists, and decide if it’s something they need to do immediately, or if your request can wait. Simply thinking before you ask can stop you from choosing the wrong battle.
If you are the type of parent who used the statements at the beginning of this post, then getting your child to listen will not happen overnight, or after using these strategies once or twice. You will need to be consistent, and you will need to teach your child what it really means to follow your instructions and to give themselves instructions by repeating after you.
But follow these 4 steps, and you will definitely get your child to listen!
